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19 April 2009 @ 08:01 pm
Realization  
I'm a good liar. I always was. As good as my false realites are I never used them unless I felt I absolutely needed to, or unless it was creating an illusion for someone that I didn't like. Besides, it didn't matter how much I hurt someone emotionally or physically because I was the smart, good kid. No one ever suspects that child. Ever.

My father and I had a talk about my leaving to South Dakota today. He's just as worried as ever and that doesn't surprise me. I can't tell him my real reason for moving to South Dakota so I had create a lie for him. He believed it all. That wasn't a surprise to me. I do plan on revealing my real reason, but not until I get up there because I know if I let him know now he'll never let me leave or out of his sight. I can't have that. Not in the least.

He was telling me that one of the biggest reasons that he worries about me is because no one will be there to help me out if I really need it, financial and health issues mostly. It's at that moment that I realized something important. I feel confined in this state. I feel like my own family is holding me down. They're a safety net, waiting to catch me when I fall. I don't want a safety net. I want a bottomless pit. My mom told me I reminded her of herself, always having to do things on your own without anyone's help.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not leaving this state because of how I feel about my family right now. Oh no. I've got a much better reason, but the family issue dawned on me earlier and it seemed as if I didn't have my grand reason for leaving, my family would be the reason for me leaving out of state anyway.

There's another good reason for me leaving far away. My brother. As much as I care for him he deserves the attention and praise that goes unnoticed because of me. I see his potential. Greatly. He'll bring our name to the skies because of his determination and skill. It's time that he was recognized for his potential by everyone, not just me. I have to leave for that to happen. I have to leave for him to become great.

I'll descend into the dark corners of the nation so I can be happy with my life and love, and so that my brother's dreams can come to fruition. My family might hate me for it, but if that's what it takes for them to notice him like I do then it'll all be worth it.

The sands sifting and the tangled strings of destiny are moving...
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