[I'm hoping to submit this to creepypasta, but I'm wary about that decision. I need some opinions on this before I rework it and make a final decision.]

The house was quiet. It always seemed to be now. Five years had gone by faster than Matthew had originally thought. He somberly crept into his parents old study. It was exactly the same as when they left. Everything was neat and proper if you didn't mind the books scattered about and the intense amount of dust that had accumulated over the years. Matthew sighed and sat himself down in the cobweb-covered swivel chair in front of his parents' desk, throwing dust off of the seat in the process.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a Motel Six matchbook. He never used the electrical lights in the room for reasons he still couldn't figure out. Maybe it would creep him out too much. Who knows? He struck the match, leaned forward, and lit the wick of a candle that was only burned when he came in here, and that wasn't very often. Obviously it wouldn't light the whole room given its small size, but it gave off enough brightness to see a bit around himself.

Quietly, towards the corner of the room farthest from the candle, there sprouted two spots of black flames. The rose and spread silently, but they burned nothing. Within seconds they'd taken semi-humanoid forms.

Matthew sighed once more. He didn't like coming into this room, but he had to do it. He likened it to a holy pilgrimage of sorts. He buried his face in his hands and began to weep loudly.

The first form had two legs, a midsection which had its arms crossed in the manner of someone being in a strait jacket, but its arms were submerged in its body and looked as if they were trying to break free. Its head was totally different from that of a normal person's as well. The head, if that's what you could call it, was tilted almost as if the neck had been broken. There was no visible face. The only thing that was present was an open mouth that showed the teeth it owned while its tongue frantically flailing about.

The second form was standing on its hands with its body arched as far back as possible without tipping over, liked a trained gymnast. Where the head was supposed to be there was none. The belly of the creature was beginning to split down the middle and blood was starting to flow. The breaking and splintering of the ribs could be seen, but not heard.

Matthew had stopped crying now. He sat facing the wall and watched the shadows from the candle light dance. It was somewhat comforting to him and reminded him of when they would lose power during an intense thunderstorm. The candles would be lit all over the house and he would watch the shadows play until the lights came back on.

The creatures began to move. They stumbled at first, resembling the awkward first steps of a child. They gained their footing soon and inched closer tand closer to Matthew's position.

Matthew turned his gaze from the show on the wall to the portrait of his paretns that stood on top of the cabinet nearest to the bed; all were covered almost entirely in dust. No matter how dusty the room became Matthew could not bring himself to clean it.

The creatures, making the distance entirely in stealth, were finally within reach of Matthew. They crept forward, inching slowly as if they were frightened of making a sound. The second creature lifted one hand off the ground and grasped the back of the swivel chair.

"Mom, Dad," Matthew started, his voice beginning to break, "It's been a while since your last visit. You're both looking better." The first creature began to slobber and slither its tongue uncontrollably now. The second's split began to widen even more than before as well. "I think I'm ready now." Matthew got up from the chair and turned to face the creatures face-to-face. He stepped into the body cavity of the second creature while the first one widened its mouth and placed it gently over Matthew's head. "I love you both," Matthew managed to say before the mouth and body clamped shut. Matthew's blood sprayed wildly and encompassed the room. The portrait became drenched in the scarlet, think liquid and the rain of blood had doused the candle, finally returning everything to darkness.

[This is on my profile at allpoetry.com, but I've decided to repost here, as if that isn't already obvious.

The cobweb ornament covering my window is becoming tangled... I should tend to that.]

The blood runs into the gutters,
We've become listless,
Buildings lie in ruins,
We've listened to the Serpent's Song,
The ashes pollute the streets,
We've become selfish,
Mankind is bitter and untrustworthy,
We've become despicable,
It's an undeniable truth,
We've become liars,
Coil yourself around us,
It's not friendship,
It's survival,
We've become The Apocalypse,
You can't leave now,
Welcome, Brothers and Sisters,
Welcome to the final curtain call,
Say goodbye to your humanity,
And bid farewell to your mortality.

I've made a profile for myself at allpoetry.com.
allpoetry.com/Tsukuyomi

You can go there if you should feel inclined, or curious enough to read some things that I've written.

I want to start writing again. The words are calling me like I never thought they would. I can write, I guess I've always carried that ability. I've been complimented on my writings more than anything else I've done, even surpassing the compliments I would receive for my musical ability. This is coming before graduation and I knew it would. I really don't know what I want to do. I want to be a mechanic because I like to work with my hands, but at the same time I'm taking a year off before starting school. That's my intention anyway.

I stopped writing this year for basically two reasons. One is that I knew I didn't have a lot of spare time to be writing like I used to. Two, computer crashed a little into the year and I lost Microsoft Word. As much as I like the idea of handwriting an entire novel (that was sarcasm), having Word is obviously an easier method for writing. A year off from school would allot for more writing time. I'll be working, yeah, but it's not like the free time I'll have home will be spent on doing other things like now. School, work out, and the normal responsibilities that usually occupy every single day of the week for me. In South Dakota it will be two things: work and spend time with the wife. I won't be stressed out from school or having to do things around the house on a deadline. I can basically do them when I want as long as it's nothing like a week late, which I'm not the type of person to do that anyway. So it'll be basically having a great time with the love of my life and writing, aside for the constant playing of Street Fighter and other assorted video games.

While I was thinking about this today I became worried that I won't do anything of the sort and end up becoming as much of a bum as I can. That's a little joke, but it's hard to tell that when you're reading, right? It's then that I remembered some of the lyrics to a favorite song of mine, Dream Yourself Awake, by The Cruxshadows. When the lyrics broke through the flood gates they set my mind at ease and gave me some more reassurance. 

"Hold to that path you're walking
don't let your resolve decline
keep your eye on the prize
and your mind on your goals
and never fall behind"

I'll start writing again soon. I'll have a wife that makes me happy ever day. I'll learn how to fix a motorcycle for a living, hopefully. Well, unless my writing were to be good enough to make a living off of it.

Every single human is embedded with a belief of what is right and what is wrong. But what defines right and wrong? Obviously, the line is varied when you weigh in everyone's personal perspectives and beliefs. This leads to a new question. What is better, living a life entirely to doing good, or having a nice balance of both?

One cannot live a life entirely of good. This leads to being stepped on and becoming a welcome mat for violence and other deeds all over the place. Living a life dedicated to doing what is wrong has more than obvious repercussions that I need not go into them. Now, most humans live, knowing and unknowingly, a life of balance when they choose to just live and not think about what kind of life they're trying to live.

Balance is the key in almost every single way of life. Tip the scales and the contents spill over the floor. Similarly, tip your intentions and your emotions, secrets, faults come pouring over in an almost identical way. What does this all mean? What am I pondering this for? For my own reminding.

It's only when I see my own death do I start to wisen up.
It's when I'm put through hell, through a Tsukuyomi, do I finally see the error of my ways.
Not anymore.
I'm not putting myself, or anyone else, through hell anymore.

I can't explain why I'm feeling this way right now. It's peculiar. I haven't felt indifferent for a few months. It could be for a few reasons, but since I haven't been able to figure it out just yet I don't see a point in naming all the possible reasons for as to why this feeling has reared itself. This is odd. At the same time it's oddly comforting. Like I said earlier, I haven't felt this way since I used to be aloof.

I'm repeating myself. I need to stop right now before things get out of hand and I soon find myself swimming in a neverending circle of repetition.

I have a couple of tattoo designs figured out. I haven't really thought about them for a while either, but I've been thinking about them more and more recently because school's so close to ending now. I'm hoping to have enough money to at least get one. If I could find a way to get enough money I'd like to be able to have money to be able to get my tattoo and a tattoo for my brother, a sort of unique brotherly tattoo if you will. Similar designs, but with slight variations so that we each have our own unique tattoo, like we have our own unique bond.

May's coming.
These next two months will fly by faster than I realize.
It's about time.

I'm a good liar. I always was. As good as my false realites are I never used them unless I felt I absolutely needed to, or unless it was creating an illusion for someone that I didn't like. Besides, it didn't matter how much I hurt someone emotionally or physically because I was the smart, good kid. No one ever suspects that child. Ever.

My father and I had a talk about my leaving to South Dakota today. He's just as worried as ever and that doesn't surprise me. I can't tell him my real reason for moving to South Dakota so I had create a lie for him. He believed it all. That wasn't a surprise to me. I do plan on revealing my real reason, but not until I get up there because I know if I let him know now he'll never let me leave or out of his sight. I can't have that. Not in the least.

He was telling me that one of the biggest reasons that he worries about me is because no one will be there to help me out if I really need it, financial and health issues mostly. It's at that moment that I realized something important. I feel confined in this state. I feel like my own family is holding me down. They're a safety net, waiting to catch me when I fall. I don't want a safety net. I want a bottomless pit. My mom told me I reminded her of herself, always having to do things on your own without anyone's help.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not leaving this state because of how I feel about my family right now. Oh no. I've got a much better reason, but the family issue dawned on me earlier and it seemed as if I didn't have my grand reason for leaving, my family would be the reason for me leaving out of state anyway.

There's another good reason for me leaving far away. My brother. As much as I care for him he deserves the attention and praise that goes unnoticed because of me. I see his potential. Greatly. He'll bring our name to the skies because of his determination and skill. It's time that he was recognized for his potential by everyone, not just me. I have to leave for that to happen. I have to leave for him to become great.

I'll descend into the dark corners of the nation so I can be happy with my life and love, and so that my brother's dreams can come to fruition. My family might hate me for it, but if that's what it takes for them to notice him like I do then it'll all be worth it.

The sands sifting and the tangled strings of destiny are moving...

Let me see what hides behind your eyes,
Your youthful memories radiate so bright,
Every time I look a little part of me dies,
I want to drown in those eyes of yours,
Suffocate in those happy remenissions,
Because when it rains it pours,
And to dance in the water with you,
Would make every single second worth it,
I think you would rather waltz, too,
Slowly allows for a much warmer blanket,
I love those eyes of yours so much,
This won't hurt,
Not at all,
Don't worry about the blood,
The rain will was it all away,
It always does,
It's okay to cry during a slow dance,
Let me see what hides in those eyes,
I'll know forever from now on,
Now that I've plucked your eyes out.

With less than three months until I leave this little village I have been contemplating how much I am going to miss this place. I'm going to miss this desert more than I thought, but easily not enough to keep me here. Oh no. As much as experience this little town has given me there are not enough good memories to keep me strung down here. My family is well and good, but I would rather be happy with my fiance than with my family. Don't get me wrong, I'm on good terms with about eighty-five percent of my family, counting both sides, but I'm hardly close to any of them, except my brother.

I've been sleeping less and less for the past couple of weeks. Maybe it's because of my excitement. Maybe it's something else. Less sleep, but when I do sleep it's some of the best sleep I've ever had. I thought I'd be sleeping more since I've been working out more, but that's obviously not the case. No use crying over spilled milk.

Another quiz. Woo.
I took it three times and got Itachi twice with Sasuke once.
Both result texts seemed to be really dead on with my personality.
This quiz is only for males, but there's another one for females if you should feel the want to take it. The exact URL is too long for me to copy and paste (lazy, I know), but google Naruto character personality quiz and look for the one that says "+30 Results" and then look for the male and female version. Depending on what sex you are.


You Scored as Uchiha Itachi

You are Itachi Uchiha. You love your little brother Sasuke more than life itself. You dedicated your whole life preventing war and making sure Sasuke could become as strong as possible. You’ve told many lies, and became someone other than yourself just for Sasuke. Peace is the most important thing to you, other than your love for your brother.

You Scored as Uchiha Sasuke

You are Sasuke Uchiha, the avenger. You are very ambitious and let nobody stand in your way. You hold grudges, desire to harm your enemies, and let your emotions control you to the point where you lose control sometimes. You do make friends, but isolate yourself often, keeping very few people by your side. No matter where you are though, there always seems to be a girl obsessed with you though.

I've been going over myself for the past few days. Nothing too complicated, just reminiscing over how I used to be while trying to remember exactly what happened for me to experience the change that happened to me. It's hard to pinpoint exactly when it happened though. No matter how hard I remember, or how much I happen to remember, it blurs during the exact time that this transformation manifested itself. I remember how I used to be and why and how am I now, but there's no exact why for the change. Not to me anyway. Maybe later on it'll hit me, but right now it's not.

Perhaps I need to meditate more and let it come to me in its own time instead of forcing it own for my own accord. I'll get it either way so I'll still achieve my goal. There's not really a point in rushing it if I'm going to remember it eventually.

I need to start writing in here more often again. However, I rarely have anything to write once I want to.

I am a vengeful, hateful person. I know this. I hold grudges a lot and harbor a lot of hate in me. However, I do not hold these feelings within myself unless I have a really, really good reason to. Let's take, for instance, the situation that occurred with my dad and  the girl that he was with.

I'm not going to go into details about what happened between them other than she was a lying, cheating whore and they split up after my dad found for the second time. SECOND time.

My dad is a great guy. He's worked his ass off for his entire life to make my brother and I's childhood as best as it could be, for about ten years anyway. When I was ten my parents split up and nastily.  For about four years after their divorce I was beaten physically, emotionally, and verbally. Putting that aside though, my dad is one of the strongest men I've known. I mean, when he wasn't beating me down he was a great dad and tried his hardest to give us all he could. I've seen him at the bottom of the shit and I've seen him at the top. His weakness is how big his heart is though.

He's got a huge heart, one that I think I partially inherited. He's not a hateful or vengeful person like I am. He's forgiving and wiling to turn a new leaf for someone that he cares deeply about. Well, this one girl comes along who I thought was going to make his life incredibly easier. She was nice to us and we got along great with her kids. She seemed like the answer my father's prayers. My dad spent a lot of money helping her out: giving her a vehicle, a phone, a place to stay, helping her oldest daughter get a place in college. He did all that and partially neglected my brother and I in the process.

Then, she cheated on him. My dad broke up with her, but she ended up crawling back and he took her in and it seemed like everything was going good again. Until a few months later where my dad found out she was cheating on him again. This is when I found out that she did this often. She would be with a guy and use him for all he's worth then move on to the next person willing to take her in, kind of like my mother. Apparently, it happened more than frequently. She was a good liar. A really good liar.

My dad's really beaten down about this and it's understandable. My brother and I help him out as much as we can. But this brings me to what my original intention of this blog was. If I were to see her or her boyfriend now, I really, REALLY would beat the shit out of them. No one treats my dad like that. Nobody, well except for my mom and she gets away with it by being my mom. Her kids are embarrassed by her actions, I know this because they've told me. If I could beat them to a pulp and get away with it I would.

My dad always tells me not to hold in my hate or grudges, but I can't do that. It's who I am. It's something that I can't change about me. I'm hateful, and vengeful, but I am compassionate and loving. Even if it's only to a few people.

She, the whore that fucked my dad over, however, is definitely not one of them.

Okay.
I really have to stop taking so many quizzes now.
I was honest with this quiz and got my favorite character so I guess this wasn't so bad.

Sabakuno Gaara If I were a "Naruto" character, I'd be Gaara! Who would you be? Take the Naruto personality test!!

I'm on the hunt for something that I've been wanting for a long, long time. I'm looking specifically for this:





With an extra controller. If you know anyone who's willing to sell one, shooting for relatively cheap but I'll take an inquiry into anything right now, please contact me. I really don't care about an games coming with it unless they're coming for free basically. I really, really want one right now, but I don't have enough money to go and spend the $50+ they're calling for on eBay.

So Lent has started. Being a Catholic means I have to participate and this year I'm thinking it's not so much of a drag. See, when it comes to Lent you can either give up something (most do the easy thing like giving up soda) or improve on something until Easter comes around. Well, instead of giving anything up this year I've decided to improve on my body. I've been working out a lot more now and I figure this gives me a little more push to intensify my workout routine.

A couple of years ago I didn't give two shits about my body. I drank, popped, snorted, and smoked my body to shit. Now that I'm completely healthy and working out, I've been in the best shape and it's only going to get better. I have also been thinking that since we have bodies that are amazingly complex and can be put to many different uses if trained properly I might as well take full advantage of that and use my body to its full potential.

If I didn't use my body to its full capability then I would be doing two things. 1) I'd be even lazier than I allow myself to think and 2) I'd would be doing myself a dishonor by calling Bruce Lee my hero and treating my body like it's worthless.

What was this post about?
I don't remember my original intentions of typing this...that seems to be pretty often when I blog though.

Did I ever mention how much I hate being sick? I didn't? Well know you now. I had some sort of stomach flu/really bad allergies for about a week, but they didn't really start kicking my ass until the weekend. Today is pretty much my first full day of not feeling like a piece of crap tossed in a paper bag before getting kicked around by a professional rugby player.

My immune system is usually better than I think it is. Before this act of sickness I had not been sick for, hmmm, a long time. Longer than two years. Now when I say sick I mean can't get out of bed sick. Not sniffles or a little cough or anything like that. Now, I also say my immune system is better than I think because when I was younger I used to get sick a lot. A LOT. How it got to be so strong nowadays is something that I'll probably never know, but I'm glad it did. Maybe it was all the orange juice I used to drink...

Either way. I just really, really don't like being sick. And the point of this journal was: I have no clue.

A lot of the time when I come to LJ I try to figure out why I write in these journals. I don't know if I've reached a definite conclusion, but I think I have found two good reasons.

1) I think I try to figure out what makes myself tick. I find that when I write I usually don't type anything good. Normally I would consider that sad and pretty pathetic, but at the same time I find that it's a great way to tear apart my own mind. Simultaneously upon that I get to indulge myself once again on bad memories and then it comes back to being a bad thing. This plays into reason number two.

2) Part of me thinks that I write only bad memories so that I can write them down and never have to think about them again. It works most of the time. A bad day turns into a vent or rant on LJ, or somewhere else, and after that I feel better. Of course when I read back on these it's hard to not remember why I was feeling the way I do. Fucking memory keeper of mine.

On to the reason why I cam here. I feel a little more urges than usual to start smoking and drinking again. Nothing heavy. I won't do anything heavy ever again. That includes weed. I know it's not heavy, but I think people who smoke weed are fucking pathetic now. All of them. I don't give a shit who you or what you've done.

I feel like cigarettes want me to smoke them and alcohol wants to slide down my throat. I don't think I'm going to do them though. I'm stronger than I sued to be. A lot fucking stronger. Besides, if I found myself smoking or drinking again I'm pretty sure that everything I've worked for in the last year and a half would crumble down around me and I can't have that. If I lose that then I know I won't last another day in this world. So in order to keep on living I have to keep clean and sober. Not hard, especially when I'm working out again.

I hate thinking about things like this because I never act on my urges anymore anyway. It's like my mind just likes to fuck with me to see how long or hard I'll think about this.